I know you’ll never listen..

.. this is normal, I know you won’t, but I’m not counting on changing your mind or behavior and start listening, I’m writing so that when you read this post today you remember it later on my friend, the engaged-to-marry.

Listen dear, your partner could lose or gain some weight, could change their hair color, whiten their teeth and get this famous “Hollywood smile”, or any other EXTERNAL change, but what is surely never going to change ever is their character.

If you were a romantic who dreamed of marrying a romantic person just like you then you should put this specific criteria in front of your eyes while chasing your dream and to never allow any distraction, because surrendering to any distraction could possibly lead you to a totally different result.

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What I mean by distraction is somebody who has only one ingredient from the whole mixture you are looking for, but however, you felt something towards them, as mentioned above, watch out! Because later on it will be too late.

Many before you, dear friend, thought they would change their partners but guess what, that never happened, and if you are gentle, polite, tender, etc…. and you counted on your partner to treat you reciprocally then you are cheating nobody but yourself, your partner could really do, or could even have better attributes than yours but chances are always there that they don’t, because simply your partner is not more than a human being, just like any other person you meet in your life, they have their own positives and negatives, so never take them to be always better than you expect, and to cut it short, believe me, never expect anything from anyone…..should you do, you will be hurting no one but yourself.

Having said all the above, happy wedding day my friend, all the best, and see you after a couple of years….. cheers!!

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Unique, just like the others!

It’s really not fun to know that you are “ just like anyone else”, everybody thinks he is special, even a bit more special than the others, he just thinks he’s unique, however, not any unique.

Day and night people never stop working hard on being normal, they don’t want to be ODD, they don’t like to be “Aliens” they want to be seen as normal people, just like the others, however, they don’t like it when you tell them they’re normal.

This contradiction is really inexplicable, do you want to be Unique? Or do you want to be like the others? because each of both is the very contrary of the other one, OK, you want the others to see you normal but with super powers that make you super-normal, or unbeatable, or something they couldn’t reach so you became superior to them but at the same time, so normal that they can’t catch anything on you that could make them criticize or question your superiority.

Those who are like that, in my opinion, have a serious problem in their personality, they are not strong enough to be themselves, they want only the bright and shiny side of them to appear but they want to keep the imperfect and blemished side of their personality in the dark, very well covered because they can’t stand the confrontations and criticism.

The worst of all that is that those people are all over the place, they’re a lot, especially in the societies where honoring the traditions is always advanced on the feeling and well-being of the individual, where the family endeavors to keep a clean flawless image In front of the society regardless how that would reflect on their son, daughter, wife, mother or any other member of this family.

Traditions, in my opinion, have to be subjects of revision, innovation and flexibility to keep the families and societies attached to each other, to keep them loving each other and caring about each other because they know that their traditions are always there to keep a certain class and respect to each of them so they can really honor them from the bottom of their hearts because they reflect their beliefs and identity rather than keeping those traditions unchangeable as if they were a holy book.

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Mr. Oriental

Nobody did it to you, you did it to yourself Mr. Oriental man, you wanted to be the MASTER of your family, you wanted to be the dominating alpha male,  your word to be obeyed and you wanted to be the only funds generator to your family, congratulations, Swallow it dear!

Because you didn’t want your mother, sister, daughter or wife to work, as other men could possibly look at them and harass them, you disabled the efforts and productivity of half of your community, only because of your “shame” perspective you made all the years she spent on learning to realize her dreams and to take her community and country to the next level and compete with the rest of the world, you made her stay home, look after your kids and house, dedicating her time to enhance only the place where you both live, and only make sure her kids are in a good comfortable condition to carry on with their own lives, what about hers?, she cannot do anything by herself, she can’t go anywhere you don’t allow, she cannot work unless you were kind enough to allow her, in some places you don’t even allow her to drive and you leave her to some driver or a taxicab to take her to her destination while you are enjoying your arrogance and celebrating your manhood over her nerves and lifestyle, without caring about her feelings, but only about what the “others” would say if you don’t act like they do towards their wives, daughters or sisters.

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 What you did without knowing sir, is that you rendered Mrs. Oriental a dependent creature, and as a reward to your idiocy those women are now throwing all their burdens on you, whatever they want they ask it from you, whenever they see something nice and wanted to buy it they nag on you because you have the cash, whenever they needed money it’s from you, wherever they want to go it’s you who has to take them, groceries is your task, family vacation is only your responsibility Mr. ATM, as a matter of fact you could consider yourself the MASTER but you’re in reality a BANK, Carrier, Driver, Body Guard and many other positions that vary from a family to another.

You made it even hard on your fellow young ones that when it’s the time for a girl to get married she comes only with her clothes, that You bought to her before the wedding that you paid its expenses to a fully furnished house that only you rented or bought and only you furnished from the pin to the biggest price of furniture with your own money only, keep the ignorance going my dear.

What’s really frustrating over and above all that, is that you are claiming that these are the teachings of your religion, regardless what it would be, but the truth is that they surely aren’t, they are only the sick traditions you are struggling to keep while the world is moving on ahead of you, but just because you’re so lazy to catch up you are standing in your place wishing the world to return back in time and join you, but here’s the surprise, it won’t, and you will always stay behind until you decide that it’s time to move, and hopefully this doesn’t take you so long, you’re running out of time man!

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Leave him.

Listen to me, if he will fall to his ears with every woman he meets, why living this hell? Let him go, you deserve better, it could hurt in the beginning, but later on you will feel so at ease.

You don’t have time to keep on following him, nor to spy on him or keep on opening his PC to see with who he talked or his phone to see the last number he called or which girl sent him a message, let him go!

Why bothering yourself and let your Obsessive-compulsive disorder work 24/7 to make sure your relation is still on and that he is not taking breaks from it? Quit it, and quit any attempt to any relation in the future anyway because like you can see, the world is only of two genders, no spaceship will come anytime to carry all the women on board and leave earth with only men and you for you to be able to sleep at night and be sure he is not cheating on you, and maybe this too will not be so guaranteed because you are so insecure that you would think that he would become a BI only to cheat on you!!

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What is this? A relationship? Built on what? Love? You mean that thing that makes us all the time longing to meet our other part and stay with him the longest possible to an extent that we are ready to get married and live all our lives with him? Or her? Because if this is what we are referring to, there will be no need for all that hassle of spying and any other detective activity to trap him cheating on you, because someone who loves you will not cheat on you unless he has another perception of love that doesn’t meet yours, or you have another definition that the one he has and you both will have to sit and talk.

Unless your relation is built on love, that has to include trust, you both don’t have to worry about anything, if it’s built for example on sex only, this will be ok, you and him will sleep together and then after that no matter what happens you will still have your session, if it’s on materialistic purposes, you as well in this don’t have to be afraid they are cheating on you as long as you are getting your pay check at the end of the day, or be it built on any other purpose like those who get married to get a citizenship, this too has to be a hassle-free relationship because the purpose is the passport.

But for those who want a serious relationship, a marriage, based on love and trust, I think that they have to be realistic, to realize that we are creatures who like to evolve, and in order to do that, we have to acquire information from any possible source, to gain experiences, to be exposed to an infinite amount of temptations from all sorts so we can learn to adapt, many adventures will have to be taken, feelings of all kinds will have to be felt, love, friendship, sorrow, happiness, loss, enthusiasm, depression and many others, and that consequently, we will get to a point where we will be teaching what we learnt, to whoever is interested, and all the mentioned will not be only to one gender, the same one of your partner, so if your partner is not to the level where he or she can go through all this life and keep you, only you, in his heart, you better search for someone else who does, wasting your life on non-sense spying and searching after your partner or on someone who is not aware of your value would be the biggest mistake you would ever commit.

I see it like this, if your partner loves you, really does, you don’t have to worry, and be sure they will always be yours, not because they are doing you a favor, because they can’t help it, you live in their heart and soul, just like they do too, and once you become suspicious that they could go, only because someone else around would make them, then it’s the time for them to go, they are not the one you want to spend your life with, it’s as simple as this.

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I wish I listened.

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On August 1st 2007 I had my Job offer, to go work in Saudi Arabia, I was so excited, I was dreaming, I was engaged and this new job was my guaranteed key for a good life in the near future, I thought to myself that it won’t take a long time before I marry my love and go work abroad and live together happily ever after, as simple as that, I mean I have the offer, signed!

I bought lots of stuffs to take with me, you know, a brand new life in a foreign country,

I was packing, when my father came in to my room, he watched me folding my clothes and putting them in the bag, he was asking me if I forgot anything, if I bought this, if I bought that, and I was answering him, then he looked at me and said:

 “Look son, there are three things you have to be aware of while you’re there:

1-      Trust Nobody

2-      Don’t tell your intentions to anyone

3-      Don’t talk about anyone to anyone.”

I nodded when he said this of course, I acted politely, but I was thinking: “How old school!”, I mean this is the cliché that any father would say to his son, not to trust the others, I thought could it be real that parents still think this way? Not to trust anyone? Not tell anyone anything?

But I just didn’t give his words any weight, I only considered them words coming from a caring father, I surely appreciated them but I honestly thought they were “over”.

7 years later, just now, taking a look back to my life, to see what I learned from it, I found quite a long list of valuable lessons actually where those three my father said to me were surely among them but guess what! They were the softest ones, the “low risk” ones, my list was full of tougher lessons, here are some of them, it contained:

1-      Nobody likes the good for you more than they do to themselves, no matter what.

2-      Nobody deserves to be SO special as people would surprisingly sell you for a return.

3-      Nobody should know your plans even the ones you consider too close.

4-      Secrets are spread very fast, keep your secret for yourself

5-      Trust no one but your wife, although this is not applicable for all the couples.

6-      Don’t expect anything from anyone unless you will be ok if they let you down because they surely will, but a few of them.

7-      Never under-estimate yourself as others are never better than you, everybody has flaws but some are really good hiding them.

8-      Never lie, the lie will haunt you until it hunts you.

So if there is any youngster reading my blog right now, I know you will find what I’ll say next repeated but it’s ok to read it again but this time try to believe it.

while you were wearing diapers and running in the house after your small ball, your mother and father were out there struggling in life and learning lessons, some of them are easy and the majority was very tough, it sometimes did cost them some dignity, they just bit the bullet to secure a good living for their family, thus, be sure that whatever they say will not be only coming from their mouth as a lecture to feel superior to you and to play the parenting role, they do it because they don’t want you to pay the same cost they did to learn what they are giving you for free, so take this gift and use it wisely and don’t do like I did once and had to struggle for 7 years to learn what was told to me without any pain just because I thought I was smarter.

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What an invitation!

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We’ve been always victims of a very famous expression such as ” work and live abroad“, when such a sentence usually brings a sort of joy and hope with it, however it seems that we are not taking the sequence of the words in this sentence into consideration, we just take it as a whole and actually deceive ourselves, we do that to us, the sentence stated it clearly “work and live“, work comes first, then live, which means that the main point in this sentence is inviting you to an opportunity to work, then when you finish working, you live!

How awful!, I assure you, I’ve been there and I am totally aware of what I’m talking about, a feeling that will haunt you throughout your stay in this new destination, regardless of “home sickness” feeling for some who don’t like staying away from their family and homeland, but I’m talking about another one, the feeling of instability even if the new location is the most stable one, but you will not feel stable as you will always consider yourself “on a mission” unless you will have the chance later on to somehow become a part of the place you are going to if you decide to, or if you will get the opportunity of staying there as much as you like if you liked the country , but if this is not the case, then this is what I’m talking about in this blog.

Planning doesn’t usually work in these situations, especially if the country you are moving to is known to be a rich one with high incomes, greed will sneak to you, your preset plans will fade away, you will forget that you made a decision of staying only for a couple of years there because of the earnings that you are making, you will get yourself used to the new uncomfortable lifestyle especially if the culture of this new country is totally different than yours, and with time you will think that everybody else in this world is living uncomfortably just like you however they envy you for the chance you had getting high earnings, and then you will force yourself to feel happy because you don’t want to be ungrateful, you’re stuck!

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Unless you make a corrective action, you really are stuck my friend, unless you step back and look at the life you planned to have once upon a time and the one you’re living now, you will just be busy adapting, you are living yes, but temporarily, your work has to come first like the invitation says, it will be your priority, your sacred thing, the reason of your staying in the said country as well as the generator of this high income you are earning and the “safety valve” to maintain your new adopted lifestyle that you got used to and not thinking of changing it one day, everything related to work not only you, but your family will consider it sacred too, you will avoid confrontations with your boss, your colleagues or anyone in your work place, you will always make sure that part is always smoothly going only because you want to maintain your new way of living, any conflict in your work will have an influence on your house, any problem you would encounter at work will echo in your relation with everybody around you as you will consider it a threat as because your work now is the main interest, no matter how hard that will be on you and how stressful and unfair, and no matter how it will affect your health physically and mentally, you will force yourself to tolerate it under the slogan of ” life is hard”.

You can’t decide to do anything spontaneously, first you will need to check if your decision will run against your work times and policies then you will have either to stop it or to work it around, or if this decision will fit in the ” leave schedule” set by your management  especially if the country you are working in holds your passports in their custody once you go in, making you unable to travel anywhere out unless you have the approval of your sponsor, your family will have to tolerate that too, they will have to wait and see if what they would like to do is acceptable by your work standards or not, bottom line, you will hold your life a hostage to your work only because of the greed you allowed to creep.

is this the life you want to live? is your income more important to you than anything else? have you ever thought how the years of your life will pass? have you ever thought that when you look back to your life you will only remember your work achievements and failures? that your CV will be the most important document to you? ever thought that the rhythm of your life will be the same as your work’s? that you will always be dependent? think again, Is this an invitation you would like to accept?… think again.

 

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Looking forward

ImageAs I surfed the internet today, on facebook, I read a good proverb “ ignoring your passion is slow suicide, never ignore what your heart pumps for, mold your career around your lifestyle not your lifestyle around your career“, and I was really glad for the encouragement but then, I got angry!, I mean yes, it’s true that this proverb is encouraging, motivating to the right direction, but wait a minute… what for God sake does my heart pump for? No clue, at all.

It’s been a while that I’m working hard on growing this feeling of freedom inside me, this feeling of independence, feeding it with readings, facts of life and with logical thinking so it could become bigger and stronger than the fear that is prevailing inside from the bad that could happen to my family if I ever decided to go wild and break those chains of the daily routine, blood sucking and creativity draining job, but then what?

After 10 years of daily work starting from 8 am ending at 6 pm many things have changed, when the very short weekend becomes your only hope of being yourself once every week,barely, that you do not know anymore what lifestyle you should adopt, many things turn to become extremely the opposite, after such a long time many beliefs and fundamentals change, I forgot some dreams I longed to realize one day, they have actually changed they’re no longer the same,I even forgot most of my passions, I know that something should be done and that I have to follow my passion and that I have to quit this routine if it’s annoying me that much but first, I will have to look deep inside, to dig down and try to retrieve some of my old passions and put them to test under the surveillance of my new and mature beliefs to see if they still match or not, or maybe this digging will lead me to conclude a new passion that I wasn’t aware of.

I know I’m not alone and many others think the same, but I’m really looking forward to this day when I really find the thing that makes me so happy while doing it that I’m ready to do it even without a return, just because I love doing it, and because it’s a part of me that I can’t stop being, and the thing that I do even in my free time, that thing that Confucius once said about: “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

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